Children In The Middle: Are They Choosing One Parent Over The Other?

Do you fear you are putting your children in the middle where they have to choose one parent over the other?

If this is a concern you have, you’re not alone.

Children In The MiddleAs a Psychologist, many parents I’ve worked with fear losing their child or being blamed for the divorce and the changed family.

Sometimes in frustration, anger and misunderstanding, kids may blame you, or feel that your actions have caused the family to divorce.

These are the times that you need to be prepared to bear the burden of their pain.

Here a few things to stay conscious of:

  • Communicate why the divorce decision was made.
  • Let them know they don’t have to choose between you.
  • Help them find balance between two homes.
  • Have empathy for their pain.
  • Encourage them to speak openly.

Be sure to communicate with your child that the divorce decision was made for the health of the family.

Do everything you can to let your child know that they don’t have to choose who’s right or wrong, who’s good or bad, or who’s fault it is.

As their parent, you want to help them find a healthy balance in living between two homes.

Remember, children come into the world and love their parents unconditionally.

This is often a time when they are feeling scared, and they will carry a wish with them for a long time that the family would just be back together again like it was before.

Your job is to allow your child to express their emotions without feeling any negative consequences. Help them put the pieces back together by revealing just enough truth, without judgement or blaming of your ex.

You want to give children truth without harming, blaming, or shaming the other parent.

This helps create a neutral place so the child never feels like they have to choose one parent over the other.

In support…

Dr. SueAnne Magyar-Hill
Support System Inc.

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One Response to Children In The Middle: Are They Choosing One Parent Over The Other?

  1. Megan December 29, 2010 at 10:01 am #

    LOVE this advice……I am a child of divorce and there is nothing worse when you feel like it is your fault. Thanks for bring these messages to parents who have children NO MATTER the age!

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