I wanted to talk today about practicing patience and kindness towards yourself and your children.
Changes with the family require much more time, energy and thought on day to day activities as a family is navigating through divorce. As a result, there are many physical and emotional changes that are occurring.
You might feel that your children are being more needy or clingy.
All this is very normal.
Anytime you’re going through physical and emotional changes your senses become more alert. You become more hyper aware and therefore you might ask a question twice for example.
You might be a little bit more obsessed with the decisions that you’re making, which feels like you’re extending yourself more than your usual day to day.
So how does divorce affect children when you get frustrated?
Your kids are like mirrors projecting back to you the emotions you are projecting out. So it’s important that you recharge yourself so you can be more patient with yourself and your children?
It starts with you!
Firstly, set aside 20 minutes a day just for you.
In this focused 20 minutes you want to visualize yourself actually filling up your emotional fuel tank. Kind of like pulling into a gas station in your car and putting that pump in. When that gas gauge goes up you have a sense of well being and confidence that you can get to where you’re going.
Do this for yourself everyday. Make sure you have enough personal fuel to get comfortably to where you have to go and to do what you have to do.
So how do you do that?
Well, many have told me they actually have to lock themselves into the their bathroom at home. They lock the door. They might take a cup of hot tea in with them. They might take a magazine, or actually take a bath.
During that time, they just allow themselves that private 20 minutes to recharge and refuel. In the bathroom they find that there are simply less interruptions.
Alternatives to hiding out in the bathroom can be 20 minutes of meditation in an area in your house, or exercise for 20 minutes, or stretch and do some yoga.
Secondly, you want to give focused time to your children.
You gave time to yourself, now give them their time, give them all the time you can. Be unconditional with them, be pleasant and be present.
So in answering the question how does divorce affect children when you get frustrated, the answer lies in you.
By you committing time each day to both yourself and your child you will feel your patience begin to grow and they will feel that as well.
Communicate with your mind, your body, your words, and your actions a peaceful and relaxed state and then… watch the world around you relax.
Dr. SueAnne Magyar-Hill
Founder of Empowering Children of Divorce
Ambassador of Children and Divorce, HowToLiveOnPurpose.com
P.S. Speaking of communicating, taking The 21-Day “I AM a Gift to the World!” Challenge is a great way to communicate to your child and others just how important they are.
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