As a Psychologist, a common concern I see amongst parents is what I call Single Parent Guilt.
Parents that are divorced or divorcing frequently tell me they experience feeling heavy, are dragging, and actually feel like they are having a hard time breathing. After ruling out any kind of medical condition, it becomes clear that they are carrying a heavy mental burden and it’s affecting them physically.
Often it’s guilt, and it’s the gift that just… keeps… on… giving…
They think because they chose to divorce that they are ruining their kids, and they have horrible fears in regards to their children having ruined lives because of it.
Let me ask you a question. What is your definition of guilt?
In order for you to be guilty, you would have to have had an intent to harm and follow through on that intent. Then you would be guilty. If this is not something you’ve done, then you are not guilty.
Although you experience the emotional side and the feelings side of guilty, it does not mean that you actually are guilty.
One thing you can take ownership of, you and your ex, is that you are responsible for changing the family, and you are responsible for the divorce. When you choose to divorce and families are going to have two different homes and have different lives, yes, you have to own that.
That is a choice that you have made with your ex.
By making that choice, you must have felt that it was the best solution for you, your ex, and your children, to no longer stay a family unit.
So the divorce was not an intent to injure, but rather an intent to help and heal the whole family emotionally.
So you can stop dragging yourself around, beating yourself up, and feeling guilty.
Instead, put energy into being healthy, being emotionally available for yourself and for your children, and walk with the intent that you are doing this for the health and the love of your family.
Read more divorce tips at http://empoweringchildrenofdivorce.com.
Dr. SueAnne Magyar-Hill is a Psychologist and published author specializing in families and children navigating through divorce.
For over 26 years, “Dr. SueAnne,” as she is known, has supported thousands of parents, families and children in her private practice, in workshops, and in her popular blog.
P.S. Have you checked out this resource? “Healing Broken Families”
Not only will this help you with your feelings of guilt, but many other important topics that affect you before, during and after divorce.
Check it out here: Healing Broken Families