I’m wondering if you find that your children, once you’ve broken the news… have stopped talking about the divorce.
But now… perhaps days and weeks are passing… and there are absolutely no questions or conversations coming to you or your ex from the children about the family divorcing.
This is one of the effects of divorce on children.
So… have your children stopped talking about it?
If this is happening, it’s normal, it’s a common occurrence.
It’s a defense mechanism, and that defense mechanism is denial. If they don’t speak about it, then they won’t have to feel the pain, worry, or concern that surrounds the divorcing family.
It’s actually a natural mechanism. So many kids are just trying to maintain what they know, and hoping that maybe that conversation is just going to go away. Or, they just don’t want to talk about it because it just brings up a lot of pain.
Families divorcing means many changes are imminent. Change is uncomfortable and many adults and kids fear it. You tend to want to embrace what you know, your comfort zone.
The good news is.. there is something you can do.
- Create a special notebook
- You start the conversation
- Review and respond daily
- Keep the conversation alive
Get a notebook and label it on the cover “Family Journal”. In it you will put questions and thoughts about the divorce.
Then… Tell your kids that you bought this journal and it’s going to be in a very public place, like on the kitchen table or a coffee table. It’s going to be in a place where anyone who has a question, thought, or has something to express, can write openly in it.
You’ll want to be the first one to put an entry in it. It can be something as simple as “This is our Family Journal. Write in here anything that you wish. It will our way to share our thoughts and feelings about our family divorcing.”
It’s important that as you use this “Family Journal”, that you look at the it on a daily basis. This way, you can respond quickly either by writing back to your child that has written something in it, or you can talk to them directly about what they are feeling.
If you find that your kids aren’t using it but you find them reading the things that you are writing in it, that’s OK, that’s very powerful as well.
The Family Journal helps in the times when kids are not verbalizing and are having a tough time talking about the family divorcing and their thoughts and feelings around that.
It gives them a more private way of expressing themselves and you’re honoring that by giving them in a different venue of communication.
Many families I have worked with have used the Family Journal technique with great success and have kept it up for years.
Dr. SueAnne Magyar-Hill
Support System Inc.
P.S. Now there’s finally a way for you to stop wasting precious time and instantly get answers to your most burning questions around the topic of children and divorce. A way for you to start today, right now, learning and taking action on things to help you and your children.
It’s called “Healing Broken Families – 12 Simple Steps To Help You Navigate Through Divorce” and it’s a VERY POWERFUL resource for you.
You can get it here: http://empoweringchildrenofdivorce.com/healingbrokenfamilies
P.P.S. This incredible resource was recorded with love in one take in a deep, emotionally charged question and answer interview format with my colleagues Chief Robert and Terri Lynn TallTree asking the burning questions, and providing additional insight.
For more than twenty years audiences around the world have been touched by the message and powerful presence of the TallTrees. They are nationally renowned speakers and trainers and have appeared on PBS, the BBC, Animal Planet and the Discovery Channel.
It was such a pleasure to produce this with them and make it availabe for you NOW.